Most victims of trauma and abuse are women; however, we fully acknowledge that men are also victims of narcissistic abuse. If you are a man, please substitute the appropriate gender while reading this text: Many women are brought up with to be sweet, nurturing and helpful, along with other typically feminine traits such as generosity and kindness. (Many men also display these traits.) However, many modern women are also accomplished, well-educated, capable and independent.
Strengths can become risk factors for abuse:
- Traditionally, women have been considered the anchor of the family and the cornerstone of successful organizations and businesses. Because women (and men to a lesser degree) generally possess advanced social skills and a natural tendency towards empathy and helpfulness, they often fall prey to narcissistic or sociopathic partners.
- Narcissists are often charismatic and exciting, and they commonly display many of the most-valued feminine traits. This is why women (and some men) are fooled by the magnetic personality and often believe they have finally found their soul mate. Unfortunately, victims of narcissistic abuse can be exploited on an intense, profound level.
- It doesn’t take long for a narcissist to display his true nature, which involves energy-draining behavior and various forms of abuse. Narcissists commonly cheat, visit pornographic sites, commit adultery, tell grandiose lies or invent elaborate success stories or claim extraordinary intelligence or talents. In some cases, narcissists lead double lives, engaging in other relationships or marriages at the same time.
- Narcissists may engage in tax fraud or other criminal behaviors, but when confronted, they commonly turn the situation around and blame other people—usually their partner—of dishonesty, control and paranoia. They may embark on a campaign to portray their partner as mentally unstable, ill or weak. Narcissists may apologize, ask for forgiveness and promise to change, only to revert to narcissistic behavior after a few days or even hours. In a court of law, even savvy judges are fooled and beguiled, often ruling in the narcissist’s favor.
- Female partners of narcissists may live with the abuse for many years, often attempting to improve their situation by attempting to reason or bargain with the narcissistic partner, only to be repeatedly mistreated, abused and devalued. In many cases, their entire lives become twisted and distorted as they constantly attempt to try harder, or “fix” the problem. Partners may seek help, reassurance, support or therapy until the games and manipulation eventually become impossible to bear.
- Women in narcissistic relationships often resort to drugs or alcohol to escape the intense pain, and they may even become addicted to the narcissistic relationship. They may become depressed or express suicidal ideations or engage in other revengeful or self-harming behaviors. When women seek counseling, they are often diagnosed as depressed or addicted, but they are rarely identified as victims of abuse. Although narcissistic abuse is common, the behavior isn’t widely known or understood, even by mental health professionals or the justice system.
Helping victims of narcissistic abuse
- We offer to help victims of narcissistic abuse reclaim their lives and free themselves of abuse, trauma and the related addiction.
- If you are uncertain whether you are the victim of a narcissist, remember that narcissistic abuse is serious and may be a matter of life and death. It isn’t resolved by simply “trying harder.” Victims are affected regardless of age, appearance, education, social standing or income level. In some cases, middle-aged women who have been discarded by a narcissistic partner may be depressed, alone, addicted, and even more susceptible to criminals, con-men or other abusive individuals.
- If you are concerned, we recommend that you read the above information carefully and write down specific points that apply to your personal experience with a narcissistic partner, parent, sibling or employer. You may also want to complete our Narcissistic Abuse Self Assessment below, which may provide greater clarity.
